If you are anything like me then you know exactly how it feels to be left out and not part of the group.
There have been many times in my life that I have felt lonely. I have felt like I was just not in the “clique”.
I have shed many tears wondering, “why?”.
Many times I would feel part of the group only to be left out of something.
I was a high school cheerleader, so you would think I was part of the “in girls” right? No!
I was friends with them and we had fun but I was not always invited to the sleepovers, the parties, or the shopping trips. It hurt!
I had close friends that I love dearly even to this day, but we have been pulled apart in different directions through the years. Marriages, babies, jobs, and just life in general have made getting together not so easy. Being in different stages of life made it awkward to hang out. Sometimes it was just easier to not get together.
Of course that is not what always happened or how I always felt. I remember crying when I thought I had a new friend that was going to be my new best friend only to find out that she was out doing something with other girls and didn’t invite me. I would ask myself.
“Are they cooler?”
“Are they more fun?”
“Am I weird? ”
“What is wrong with me? ”
“Did I make her mad?”
All these things would go through my head and to be honest it only made me feel worse. Why was I left out of the group?
I now see my teenage girls going through the same things. Friendships are hard! With all the social media these days it can sting even worse than when I was young. Girls texting each other in group messages and leaving one out and then talking about the message in front of the one left out. Instagram pics of parties, shopping trips, or sleepovers. Selfies or WEfies that leave someone out. Or maybe you were all together somewhere taking pics and then you see all the pics posted except the ones you were in :(. If you were asked to take the pic of someone and their friends only to not even get photo credits. And well snapchat is just a work of the devil I believe, but posting all the fun and videos that are going on at the moment and the one not invited gets to see all the fun but not be a part of it. That hurts! Social media just amplifies the hurt of being left out of the group.
I know as a teenager I would try my best to fit into the group. I have seen girls now on social media do things they normally wouldn’t do just to be a part of the clique so they didn’t feel left out. You have to cut your hair a certain way, wear a certain makeup, and wear the exact clothes, shoes, and carry the purses that the “in girls” do only to find out that well that didn’t work either. You still did not feel part of the group.
Thankfully, one day in high school I found God. I had cried for God to help me. For God to guide me. Then I figured it out. God told me, Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about discovering who God created You to be.
In 1 Peter 3:4 the Bible says, “Your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the great worth in God’s sight.
I struggled for a long time before I realized that I didn’t have to belong or fit into the group. God doesn’t want you to try to change who you are to fit in. He made you just how he wants you. If you don’t fit into this clique, group, or circle of the “in girls”, that is because that is not where God wants you. He had designed you to be a part of another group. He may have work he wants you to do within another group of girls or women. He will use you where he puts you. If you try to push or change to be part of a group that God doesn’t have you planned to be a part of then you will always feel left out. It has to be in God’s design. He has designed you just like he wants you. You are not weird and nothing is wrong with you. You are just who God created you to be. Be open to where God wants you. He will bring the people in your life right when you need them. They will stand by you in good times and bad, not just the fun times. They will be the friends that let you cry on their shoulders during a break up, stand beside you at your wedding and wear the ugly dress, tell you your pretty when you are 9 months pregnant, help you when your baby won’t sleep, be there when a loved one is sick, and celebrate with you when your children do wonderful things like when they take their first steps, learn to go potty, and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. They will be there no matter what.
Not everyone will feel this in their life. Some girls and women fit in no matter what. If you happen to be one of those girls then try to be compassionate and understand how the others feel. When you are posting on social media think about who you could be hurting with your simple but thoughtless post. What doesn’t mean anything to you could be devastating to someone else. If you know someone is hurting by what you have done then try to go out of your way to show love to that person. They may not fit into your “group”, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be hurtful or rub it in their face that they “don’t fit”!
1 John 4:19
“We love because he first loved us.”
“12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting Life.”